Et tu, Brutus? A FarmVille Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, in the far off Realm of Zynga, there lived a mighty and wise king.

King Pincus I, Ruler of all Zyngadom

King Pincus had many kingdoms, but his sentimental favorite was the Kingdom of FarmVille, for it was the very first one he'd conquered, stealing it like candy from a baby from the weakened Duke of Farm Town.

One day, The Count of FarmVille came to the King with some bad news.  "Sire, your subjects flee our Kingdom in great numbers! What shall we do to prevent them from leaving?", he asked.

"I have foreseen this for some time, Count, and have devised a plan!", said the King.  "We shall give the subjects yet another Kingdom in which to play, and it shall be called The English Countryside.  Once we have lured over a number of peasants, we shall encourage them to become Sheep Breeders, allowing them to breed sheep with patterns, colors, hues and intensities like have never been seen before in all the land!".

And so the King went forth, and opened the Kingdom of English Countryside, and the people did rejoice.  Many clever Alchemists in the Kingdom devised ways to breed sheep that even the King dared not dream of. They bred flashing sheep and blinking sheep, sheep that would glow and sheep that would wink.  The people had so much fun breeding the sheep, that many started to return to the Kingdom of FarmVille, and all was well.

Happy Peasants, Awesome Sheep!

One day, The Count of FarmVille came to the King with more bad news.  "Sire, your subjects have become so successful at breeding the sheep, that they have stopped buying breeding stock from the Royal Breedery.  The level of our Treasury will be insufficient for the upcoming Festival of IPO!  What shall we do?", he asked.

"I know of a man in a neighboring town who can make these peasants pay!  He has done it many times before, and he shall have great success in restoring our Treasury in time for the Festival of IPO", exclaimed the King.

So, The Count of FarmVille was sent off to the land of the Federal Reserve, to recruit Lord Capital to help the King with his dwindling treasury.  It then came to pass that Lord Capital was placed in charge of The Kingdom of FarmVille, with orders to increase the Treasury at all costs.

Evil Lord Capital of FarmVille

Unlike his cousin, King Midas, not everything Lord Capital touched turned to gold.  In fact, most things he touched turned to garbage.  He had recently been banned from The Street of Wall for his shenanigans.  Pressured by the King, Lord Capital of FarmVille issued a decree:

FarmVille Illegal Sheep Decree

Hear Ye!  Hear Ye!  Peasants of FarmVille!

By order of his Lordship, it shall now be illegal to breed all but the most ordinary of sheep!  The Sheep which Thou hast bred displeaseth your King!

Peasants shall be bound to purchase the nicest sheep in the land from the Royal Breedery. 

Those in possession of sheep more awesome and mighty than the King's Sheep shall be labeled outlaws and miscreants!

So the peasants bred their sheep, and instead of the vibrant, outrageous, interesting sheep they'd once produced, they now produced unexciting patterns and color combinations resembling old dishrags.

Normal FarmVille Sheep Breeding Patterns

The peasants revolted, and slowly started leaving the Kingdom of FarmVille once again.

Angry FarmVille Breeders

Lord Capital, eager to win back the peasants at any costs, decreed that Pigs would now be bred!

The peasants returned in droves, and with the help of the Alchemists they bred vibrant, interesting and colorful pigs.  The people rejoiced, and for a time all things were good in FarmVille once again, but it was not to last.

Happy Farmers, Awesome Pigs

Seeing that the Treasury levels were again not enough to satisfy the King, Lord Capital issued a similar decree regarding Pig Breeding.  No more were peasants allowed to breed the colorful, interesting, pigs.  They were only permitted to breed a smaller subset of more subdued pigs, and more often than not were confined to producing pigs only suitable for export to The Dean of Jimmy, for sausage making.

The Dean of Jimmy

The peasants revolted once again.  Lord Capital countered with Pig Levels.

The peasants revolted once again.  Lord Capital countered with a 100% pattern inheritance festival, cleverly disguised as "Father's Day".  The peasants rejoiced.  Then, Father's Day ended.  The peasants revolted again.

"Surely I can distract the peasants from their pig breeding woes!  I shall invent Sheep Breeding Levels!", said Lord Capital.

The peasants went back to their breeding, but were severely demoralized.  Many longed for the day when they could breed two sheep and get what they wanted.    Seizing the opportunity, Lord Capital offered for sale a Royal Dispensation, which would guarantee breeding results but would require a substantial offering to be placed into the Royal Treasury.

Soon, taxed to death and nostalgic for a time when breeding was fun, productive, and a joy to share with others, the peasants left, one by one, until there were very few left in the once-mighty Kingdom of FarmVille.

Still faced with a dwindling treasury for the upcoming Festival of IPO, the Count of FarmVille approached the King.  "Sire, I have an idea which is sure to increase our Treasury Levels in time for the Festival!  Since many of our peasants have left for other Kingdoms, the majority of those who are still there are clearly feeble-minded.  What if we sold Royal XP for Farm Cash.....?"

Does anyone know where we can pay Farm Cash for XP?

The End

The moral of the story here is quite simple:  give the people what they want, and everyone wins a little.  Keep taking things from your most loyal subjects, and sooner or later, they'll just go away.



Where breeding's concerned, the writing has been on the wall for some time now:


Nothing short of returning the outrageous, over-the-top breeding experience farmers had when sheep breeding first started is going to gain back players and keep others from leaving.  So far all they've managed to do is to rip the Barbie Collectible Edition from the hands of a little girl, and replace it with a cheap dollar-store knockoff.


Then again, it's all optional, right?

The above is, of course, not actual FarmVille News, but just a Fairy Tale.  For real FarmVille News that you can actually read without all the ads, we recommend The FarmVille Insider.